Anytime our energy is ramped up in an emergency or traumatic situation, we will burn out. Whenever we have a great loss, although it may take a while to feel it, we burn out. If you think about your emotional energy as a flame, that once ignited slowly grows until it exhausts all of it’s fuel, you will understand what burn out is.
Fortunately, with our emotional burn out, it is possible to rebuild that fuel and regain the moderate energy we need to live without heading toward burnout again.
Here’s my latest story of burnout.
We came home from dinner during an intense thunderstorm on a Friday in late August. As we entered our home, we soon realized that something was burning. Although we saw no smoke or flames, we decided to call the fire department and head outside with our kitty, Marley.
By the time the fire engines arrived, we were calm because we were out and were thinking that it probably was a false alarm.
The next thing we knew, the firefighters kept arriving and going into our home. They were propping ladders up to the rooves of the other towns homes and hoses were going in.
Our home was on fire.
Lightning had hit the roof and caused an electrical fire right behind our gas stove. The firefighters said that by the time they entered our house, there were flames engulfing the kitchen wall between two of the townhomes.
So, here we were trying to find a new normal after the first year of the COVID pandemic and we were displaced. Our insurance company took care of us and found us a hotel to live in for what turned into 8 months because of construction delays.
I kept my calm during the crisis on the outside because I had to carry on, go to work, support my struggling students at school and learn to live in a multitude of places while I waited for my home to be returned to normal. We ate out every night and had hours of paperwork every weekend to keep track of the receipts needed for the insurance company. It didn’t seem so bad at the time and we just kept plugging away.
Once we got back in our home in April, we felt so much relief and embraced our new kitchen. This should have been a calming time and we should have been able to move on quickly, right?
WRONG…over the course of the next few months, I fell into some depression and anxiety that I hadn’t experienced for some time. My marriage started to suffer and I wasn’t happy very often. I found myself sad and was having a hard time carrying on my daily activities.
After a pretty big fight with my husband, we realized that I needed help. I set up an appointment for counseling and with my OBGYN to discuss antidepressants.
Through journaling, counseling and meds, I was able to start processing some of the things that had just happened. COVID along with the house fire had caused me to avoid letting myself feel because I was hustling just to survive, keep my job, find my work clothes, complete weird paperwork and pay my bills. I had a hard time with self care, but figured that I was strong and didn’t need to do anything special. THAT WAS NOT TRUE.
After dealing with so many traumatic situations, along with supporting my students who were also in crisis mode due to COVID, I had never really tried to understand my feelings and how to work through the burned out flame that had become my life. I was depleted and angry. I was tired and needed to figure out how to process.
With meds and my other strategies, I was able to move forward. I feel so much better now, but the whole situation taught me that I should be a little more realistic when I am going through a crisis. I’m not really sure what I would do differently, other than going for meds and counseling earlier. I guess that is my future plan. My husband can be my accountability partner with that, although I can be very stubborn and don’t always listen to him when I should.
I don’t know what my next burnout crisis will be, but I will try to reread this post when it happens so I can be reminded of what I need to do to keep my energy burning after it has been depleted.
Thank you for reading my post. Let your flame burn in a way that can sustain you and when it does ramp up and burn out, take some time to figure out how to light it once again.
